ALL SHOULD BE WELCOME/ALL ARE NOT

Autopsy Submissions Are Open

(Ai generated abandoned mall vaporwave noir homeless encampment from Dall-e, turned into a meme, Emil Ottoman, Cult of the Rainbow Rat, 2023)

SUBMISSION WINDOW FOR INVITATION TO AN AUTOPSY IS OPEN

From when this post drops at 6am CST US to 6pm CST US you are politely invited to send five pages of fiction to me and get put in for the lottery. Not like the Shirley Jackson story… yet. But, the completely arbitrary lottery to see which story gets an editorial Autopsy next.

I started this as an experiment. On week 3 the continued reception has been so warm and fuzzy in spite of the tragic Wes Anderson (quite twee, very well shot, symmetry is a big deal) movie my life has become: We continue with the work, because the work is never finished.

Send 5 pages of your best, your worst, your darlings in need of slaughter, your confusions, your problem children, your conundrums, your stuck stories, and anything you want to have the possibility of getting an editorial pass during the submission window to emilottoman@gmail.com

Include AUTOPSY in all caps in the subject line, and include your Substack Handle so I can give you the guest byline, because I may be editing your work that week.

I will do my best to at least answer every email in as timely a manner as possible given the unfolding hell my family is living through. (More on this behind the Paywall.)

Remember to follow instructions.

Conduct yourself professionally. Follow instructions, hit the window, do the subject, and you’ll be fine. If you eventually want to pub, you’ll have to follow Kafkaesque, seemingly obtuse instructions. Gordian knot upon Gordian knot, and sorry, you’re not Alexander cutting through the tangles gets you round filed, I can tell you this much.

Acknowledgements and thanks!

This week’s Autopsy was shared by the subject,

Layne Mercer

(thanks for being a good sport!)

Andrew Robert Colom

(Go read Monster Truck)

Zivah Avraham

(Who underrates their own work, which is quite good.)

Clancy Steadwell

(I blushed. Clancy was literally the first person I think I saw on Substack. Thanks for the endorsement you mustachioed Madman!)

George Kalantzis

(Who is doing things you should pay attention to as well)

Edith Bow

(My muse, currently killing both college and beta reading!)

E.K. MacPherson

(who posted a pull quote that I loved! Thanks)

S M Garratt

(Who is a fine writer, I’m enjoying digging into your story!)

Nick Winney

(An amazing author who has no sense to take credit for his own talent or skill. His piece in Dark Tidings was immaculate)

M.P. Fitzgerald - Graphomania

(Who almost gave me a nosebleed by submitting a metatextual hellride for an autopsy. My attention was grabbed however.)

Tom Schecter

(Who I am indebted to for being as genuine as the rest of these fine humans.)

Zani D

(She’s five ducks in a trench coat and the ducks have fans. Read everything she writes.)

Reina Cruz

(Who I will now check out, dig) And probably more, Sandolore? Once it gets into stacking restacked notes the trail goes cold pretty quick. But thank all of you for amplifying the signal.

Anyone who likes the Autopsies and is not listed above who reads this, check these people and their Substacks out. They are all (

James Worth

and

NJ

and

Inigo Laguda

as well) worth reading.

And check out

Jimmy Doom

, he’s been writing a story a day for years, and he’s a fuckin’ legend.

If you think this is corny, fuck you, community grows through mutual recognition of support when given, I’m trying to build something here, and it’s not just a money game. I could always go rob a dope dealer, higher risk, but the reward ratio is worth more than everything I’ve ever written put together.

Miscellany (Thoughts for the _____)

OK, so a lot of people are coming from TikTok. This is good. TikTok probably isn’t going away, this is probably also good. BookTok, no matter what you think of it, has done a lot for indie bookshops since it blew up. Some of my favorite bookstores, they still exist in a post Covid world BECAUSE of these walls of BookTok recommendations, constant sellers, supporting their ability to buy three or four copies of the books I’m actually looking for. Like it or not, adapt or die.

You don’t grow community or support networks by complaining about shit. TikTok, like it or not, had a very real community network effect. Ad hoc support networks were easy to organize in there from everything I’ve read. Mind you I’m ignoring the TikTok store for now, OK. But remember, your platform is only as good as what you use it for.

Sandolore Sykes

hit with Sum Flux like a bomb, and now new ideas are sprouting everywhere. Is this a paid newsletter app and platform? No. This is what you make it. And I’d implore you to try to break it.

Andrew Robert Colom

said on a comment where I ranted about podcasts and how I’m the last white male millennial to not ever do one: “I’ll do a podcast with you but we only use 17 minutes voice notes sent back and forth on art and life and whatever for the content.” And that’s a novel fuckin’ idea. Send it.

Jon T

made a video of quick flipping combinations of words, one on each side, 45 seconds long. Promptmanteau, he called it. That’s a novel idea.

Thaddeus Thomas

broke my heart by starting an offshoot of his literary salon series set to paywall his upcoming work about craft and style. This is a tragedy, though he is offering free trials generously, and I understand the drive certainly, but this doesn’t build community, it only adds barriers and constraints. I respect Thaddeus, even though he never answered my commentary on his proposed definition of “purple prose” (too precise and too broad at the same time, call it a categorical coloring error)

“I can’t decide whether I’m writing a suicide note or a manifesto.”

-Sarah

YOU WROTE THE SUICIDE NOTE

I’LL WRITE THE MANIFESTO

I am an insurgent who wants to blow up the gurus and set fire to the shitbirds telling you things less useful than this for more money, doled out in workshops and seminars and courses.

Here's your course, every week, for free. (And my notes. My general content.)

Mind you, I mean the false idols. The get richer quickers. The liars and conmen. There are teachers out there, there are places, workshops, but there are barriers to entry (I've spent and will spend thousands, gladly, but I am in debt and insane. I’m willing to die on the hill with my worthless art just to say I was here.)

I will not even pretend my hands aren’t bloodied. The difference is, I’m not a charlatan. Me and a friend, the same sort of editor as me, are running an editorial crit workshop in March. Short Story Slaughterhouse: An Editorial Abattoir. Seats are $400, there are 12 with one scholarship, and you have to apply with what you want workshopped, and another piece of work. It will be brutal, there will be no peer crits. It is for people who ARE MAKING ENOUGH MONEY TO JUSTIFY THE ABUSE OF TWO ROUNDS OF GUTTERFUCKING FROM PROFESSIONAL EDITORS.

Some day I’ll have a plant send in an autopsy and I’ll do a FAFO edit you’d get from me if you sent in something for pub and I liked it but there were systemic issues. It’s not what I provide as editorial and story consultation or dev and line editing, and it’s not always particularly nice. I’m not nice. I’m kind. Always remember that.

I am kind.

I will NEVER PAYWALL THE AUTOPSIES AND I WILL ALWAYS SHARE WHAT I KNOW. I’ll share what other people know.

But resources from people with my sort of experience and background that don’t cost jewel running money are near nonextant. I want more writers to make their daily bread from writing. We’re at a good inflection point for it.

I want good voices to find their spots, their money, and get their pubs.

Mostly because I haven’t. I’m not bold in that sense. I have one pub.

Credentialed I am not.

But put me on the clock, give me a prompt, let an idea pop into my head, I’ll smoke any pro, and it’s not unknown. It’s just well known that I have major issues with my own work.

My only published work is below.

I interviewed BR Yeager for an issue of Elle Nash’s Witchcraftmag. I’ve done slush. I helped pick the stories with Elle for what I think was maybe the last print issue of Witchcraftmag… ever? Or the second to last.

I’ve been around.

Some people can write, but they can't make climb barriers as set out above. Some people are insane, like me, and know I've made millions and it all doesn't matter. What matters is what I can do for others. Because I'm really bad at doing for myself.

Thank you for your support and enthusiasm for the art and craft of writing.

NOW GO SUBMIT FOR AUTOPSY

(random internet cut up I turned into a meme, Emil Ottoman, Cult of The Rainbow Rat, 2022? Quote, Evelyn Milquetoast RIP)

LET’S KILL THE LANDLORDS/