Really like the pacing of this. The action. I am new to the hotel, but, I enjoy the world building and this piece has me curious about the hotel. It’s rooms and how big it really is. Dope that this is draft 0, inspiring. Thank you for sharing and just putting it out. Iterating and creating. Are you going to edit this, because I am curious to see how you approach that too. Questions that peek my interest as a read around the story world, Is this the first piece you have with this character, I’m curious about their back story, What’s the back story around his abilities?
This was actually the introduction of Balthazar doing what he does. The hotel project is a playground. It was originally from a writing exercise WCB used when he was teaching creative writing at a college. But the hotel is this strange place for bastards Killers the desperate people on the edge of society. But the hotel itself actually is sort of a character. There is set staff that will inevitably end up in nearly every story. And then there were a list stock characters that we could use or we could bring our own characters into the hotel. Vlad is actually from my first novel which I wrote when I was 16 or 17. Him and five other characters have been floating around for over 20 waiting for a place to land. Rufus Balthazar is one of the stock characters and I'm pretty sure he was the POV character WCB was going to write until I got to basically the entire hotel first because when I am excited about something I'm nearly always the first off the blocks.
Part of wanting to be first off the blocks was that I wanted to set the tone for the voice of several of the characters and I was excited to put some characters I'd had floating around for 20 years into a new environment. There's actually about 25 stock characters. If you go to the nine-story hotel sub stack, there's about 60 stories that we put out last year. Most of them we put out in April. I wanted to see if I could run a publication that put out six stories a week and I wanted to see what that would do. For the most part we succeeded but at the end of it we had a problem. The hotel had gone from being mysterious to being overwhelming. There was just too much to it and there wasn't a map yet. This part of the story is from a story that hasn't even started yet on the substack. My sub stack was originally somewhere that I just dumpled old short stories and whatever I was working on for the hotel.
Now I know exactly where this story is going to land in the actual context of what is going on and what has been written in the hotel which is kind of odd the ramifications of this story, specifically something from the 4th work in progress mentioned many times as a sort of McGuffin shadowing what's been written so far.
But basic this had to be written in a way that proves Balthazar is not just some guy that doesn't talk much And litters the the hotel lobby with stubbed out hand rolled cigarillos. Every stock character came with a little bit of flavor text to get your mind jumping about them. His flavor text said that he was possibly the most dangerous person in the hotel, the assassin all the other assassins are afraid of. So it was pretty imperative to get the mood of the character when he is actually doing what he does. Pretty spot on or else I was going to botch a character who had gained the nickname king of killers.
Early on in the hotel in spite of the fact that we try to avoid contemporary cultural references because it's not that kind of place I did manage to get Xania vlad's wife permission to ask him in a toss off comment if it was like that hotel in John wick. The name of which she couldn't remember at the time but Vlad could. The continental. And he had to explain in short that no it is definitely not the continental. Because that would suggest that there is some sort of hierarchy or other kind of logic besides the logic inside the hotel that makes it what it is.
One of the developing tropes in the hotel is basically that the staff does not age and they have been there since. At least the 1920s we have now established with the three-part story diva written by Kristen Peterson. There are only two rules to the hotel as far as supernatural occurrences go because there actually are ghosts + it may actually be an evil f****** hotel when you get down to it. Those two rules are no multiverse f******, and this is going to sound weird but no goddamn, wormholes or portals. Nothing of that nature. I know that sounds weird but trust me it was an issue at one point with a rough draft of a story.
Anyone can join and write for the hotel if they want to. You just have to be good at playing with other people because there is an established Lord and there are certain characters whose voices you would have to get right.
Like the concierge? Arthur pinch. Since he's a concierge he basically has to be in every story. He's got a very particular voice and I basically developed it. But the easiest way to think about his voice is to imagine the concierge from the Grand Budapest hotel, okay now I imagine he is also possibly a serial killer and every time a new guest turns their back. He is liable to threaten cutting someone's skin off, but he would do it in a very polite manner. He's one of my favorite characters to write. Originally it was going to be an anthology. Wcb, Craig Clevenger, trying to get Steven Graham Jones, Brian Evanson, a lot of people from WCB and Craig Clevenger 's old forums. The Velvet which produced probably 20 or more published authors. And I was around back then. It's just I was a lurker. So my knowledge of it is nearly encyclopedic but I never participated. There's that whole imposter syndrome thing. But yeah shoot me an email or just read anything that says WIP or is under the label hotel on my stuff stack and you'll get the whole story of the Russians as it stood. Since writing it originally, it's become clear A serious overhaul is going to be needed. But whatever that's how writing goes. I very rarely take a draft and actually edit it. I am much more prone to starting over completely with the knowledge gained from the first draft.
But no, this is. This is actually the first time that you get to see Balthazar do his thing. Which is why it has the sort of ominous separated intro. The other piece of flavor text was there's only one photograph of him in existence. So all the things about dodging cameras etc. are all part of the myth of the character.
This sounds dope. Like similar to how multiple writers contribute to a comic book character or world. So the world. Of the hotel is open and other writers sort of contribute to it.
Curious to know what was some of the pitfalls around with the portals or multidimensional stuff. Just wanting to know if there’s any lessons learned their writing .
Thank you. If You're actually interested in looking around the hotel just shoot me an email. The hotel actually does have a size. The hotel is mapped out in my brain. If you go all the way back to wip1, That's the introduction to the hotel that got edited down into the viscera of the nine by WCB, who is not only an amazing writer but a damn fine editor in his own right. And very close friend. But that first piece I think it's maybe the second or third story in my sub stack is the introduction to the hotel.
I made a couple of posts a while ago about the hotel because it is an active project. But thank you. I only write first drafts that are tight because I have written so many s*** piles. Also, you could probably tell, But since I come from a minimalist school and lineage as far as writing goes and prose I am a sentence level writer. Very glad you enjoyed this. Hell, I'm very glad that anybody enjoys anything I write.
See I've been an editor so long because I have a nuclear weapons grade case of imposter syndrome. Because I am entirely self-taught. Which is also why I don't have much love through the big houses.
I dig your tight prose. Letting the story structure or world do the suggestive work. I feel like it’s a sort of Wu Tang style. They all rap for like 8 bars but those 8 bars had no filler. Direct. Protect your neck kid!
I’ll definitely do some digging and check it out. I’m a fan of Octavia Buttler and maps are a big part of her unseen world building process. I love Octavia Butlers prose, very direct as well. And she just pulls you into the story.
I know imposter syndrome all too well. It’s a brave act to write inspire of the physiological, let alone psychological, discomfort of such afflictions. Brave stuff we are doing 🙏🏽💚
Yeah it really is and also to be compared to anything to do with Wu-Tang clan is going to immediately make my day. So thank you for that.
The map of the hotel that he describes the actual story is correct. Along with any of the details that he gives about average hotels. The width of A hallway and the length of a hallway in a Holiday inn Express, it was not the super easiest thing to research, but those are both true. And for hotels fairly consistent.
It was the hotel project and being the editor of it specifically along with the trust that a well-published cult author or two had in me that helped me start to get over my impostor syndrome a bit. (Odd it never transferred to editing. I've felt secure as an editor for over a decade, but my own work?! Hell no.)
That was up! Shout out to you for showing up and working through that imposter syndrome. Also, it’s always impressive to hear about how writers do research. I find myself digging a lot, but I have a hard time organizing the sources so that I can draw on them when it comes time to write. Specifically when it comes to writing pros. When it comes to poetry and rap, you can kind of draw on those sources fairly willy-nilly. And there’s a lot more room for forgiveness regarding mistakes.
I'm very very glad you explained we were supposed to concentrate on the "action" of violence. Otherwise, I don't have a clue about this --I can't call it a story -- episode? For example, what is "pointillist red"? Pointillism is a painting technique, and red can be anything from rose to Chinese to cherry, etc.. The reference makes no sense unless the author meant blood droplets. Beats me.
I have no idea what the stakes are. I know they all have Russian names, so are they part of the Russian Mafia? Is the Hotel in Moscow Russia or Moscow Idaho? Is this just a character study of a meanie? What's Wip4? Are the other numbers chessmen positions? Is this Hotel California-type place where people check in and either kill or die. If that's true, why rescue Vlad? Is he important? He's being guarded, so I assume he must be. Who hired this Bal guy and are he and Vlad spies? Thieves? And what's with the people in the lobby, etc. Why, in God's name, do you check into a place that is know for violent deaths and you 're too afraid to walk down the hallway? I'm sure the other episodes explain it; I hope so. Although, "0 draft" sounds like the opening sequence of a story. After all the verbiage, the reader should be located somewhere in space and time.
I don't want to be a Debbie-downer, but why is there no coherent dialog? I see the author has shown-AND-told us things, but neither has he told us anything important about Balthazar in his own words. Is this a stream-of-consciousness story? James Joyce and all that?
This is a draft for a serial episode in the 9 Story Hotel. THAT is the context. ninestoryhotel.substack.com WIP4 stands for "Work in progress 4." If you looked at my Substack, you would know this, or hopefully be able to intuit it.
Before I needed to supplement my income as a developmental editor by monetizing my Substack, this was just my place for posting either what I was working on for another publication I co-run, or a place I threw an odd short story here or there.
There is coherent dialogue, you just have no context for it. This is a single thread from an entire part of a whole.
How you don't see the reader located in space and time, I don't know. The lobby scene is, as stated, a flashback. In fact, it is very specifically separated out AS a flashback.
The sequence between Vlad and Balthazar explains the entire rest of how the short is about to operate. The chess conceit is explained clearly. If you're not imaginative enough to put together pointillist red as being metaphorical blood splatter on a hotel wall, I can't help you.
This piece was written in third indirect discourse, in present tense. (And if you think third indirect discourse is just close or limited third, I have an essay for you that I haven't written yet. But would be glad to.)
You're not a Debbie downer, you're just deeply, deeply ignorant about what you're talking about.
I bow to your insightful intellectual estimation of a naive reader who did not visit your site because I wasn’t directed to it. I was told to read the story that Thad posted of yours, and I did. I have no knowledge of you, your life, or your reasons for being on substack. I had no idea you are so knowledgeable, nor can I read minds or decipher meanings when, in the middle of a sentence Wip4 pops up (the designation was not capitalized, by the way) —I would have used parentheses to make sure this was not part of the story. For all I know it could have been a fantasy weapon designation in what seemed a surreal environment. And, indirect discourse can easily throw readers off in long paragraphs.
I think what threw me off was the lack of quotation marks (I had the same trouble with McCarthy’s writing also), and the lack of dialog among the other characters. Hence, the “stream of consciousness” alternative I suggested.
I would think that, if this is a WIP (work in progress), you might like to know where the average reader (whom you obviously consider inferior by your condescension) might stumble over the story. I would think you’re writing this story to have ordinary people read it, but I may be wrong on that also.
Talk about a Work in Progress! When I wrote my MFA novel/thesis, I had to please two committee members and an outside reader who knew nothing (nada, nein, zilch) about WW II, and had to make MANY adjustments to make the story accessible to them. I never spoke to them the way you have spoken to me.
Just one more thing: I didn’t say it was bad writing. I said, I didn’t understand it as written, and needed clarification. Perhaps you are an experimental writer and good on you for that. But trust me, I guarantee that I, as a dumb person, will never read anything more with your name on it, and I still don’t know what color “pointillism” red is.
Allow us a do-over, if you would. Because that response was very "first thought" of me. And the first thought is rarely the best one. (Unless you're mathematician Paul Erdos and you have a PILE of speed in front of you.)
You were being a pedant (or so I took it, I'm sorry). I responded with pedantry and condescension (I'm a Millennial, these are two of my specialties), you upped the game with more pedantry and counter-condescension. And so, I apologize. I can be a little prickly when someone drops an essay length response on a fragment or scene I've written that's been read by many more successful and well published authors than I, and asked of it "how the fuck did you do pull that off and make it work?" including Craig Clevenger, Will Christopher Baer, a few others. (this is a draft before a first draft, it should have been pointillist red, good catch actually. As to what color pointillist red would be, it would be the color of blood splattered on a wall.) We can have different opinions on free indirect discourse, that's fine. I also have a strange proclivity and love of writing in second person, marking me as terminally odd.
I'm a multi genre agnostic literary author/editor from the underbelly of a corner of the indie publishing world who works mostly on word of mouth and almost exclusively on referral, that is until everyone tightened their wallets after the election, driving me here. I found notes, was told by my fiancee notes is where the algorithm was, and started to notice a lot of good writing. There was also a lot of very confused and very poorly composed fiction in need of a good edit.
I am a formal experimentalist. I'm also in line with the lineage of minimalist from Gordon Lish's workshops, to Spanbauer's workshops, to Chuck Palahniuk's own take modified from Spanbauer, of whom he was a longtime student, and now there are more of us creating the next iteration of Lish's minimalism/Spanbauer's Dangerous Writing (Tom Spanbauer's workshop that famously produced Chuck Palahniuk, Suzy Vitello, Lidia Yuknavich, Elle Nash, Rob Hart, et al. I don't think I need to write the laundry list of who came out of Gordon Lish's legendary workshops and went on to publish) Apocalyptically, thanks to a love of Pynchon and my abilities (I'm a very proficient mimic) after 20 years around publishing and writing towards pub, 15 spent editing, 10 spent editing professionally, I'm also a bit of a Maximalist. I'm a sentence and systems level writer, a holistic editor, and a fan of books that are complex and rewarding. I'm a translation nerd, genre agnostic (there are two classifiers of fiction, the good and everything else.) I'm obviously not a proscriptive linguist, and I believe anyone can be taught to write proficiently and with their own unique voice. I'm very long winded informally, but tamp it down when money is involved. I'm also a wee bit really autistic and have weapons grade ADHD (probably why I'm good at what I do, and I will not mince or give in to my massive impostor syndrome. I'm very good at what I do. Some people get MFAs. I was on track to be in computational/cognitive/theoretical neuroscience but had to drop out because money exists and historically, my family is working class poor, though mom DOES have a BA in English lit. I've spent more than most MFAs working with authors I actually enjoy, learning from people I actually care for and read about, and attending workshops, seminars, and putting myself through various meatgrinders to earn my stripes. I appreciate your MFA, but I'm not big on credentialism and I live in Misery, the show me state. I've met four people who completed the Iowa Workshop MFA. Guess what? None of them were writing for a living. Nor doing anything writing adjacent. But as a true AuDHD afflicted microplastic filled 39 year old, I've digressed completely down at least two rabbit holes, I do apologize for the abuse of parentheticals.)
Nice to meet you. I will admit that I'm not a nice person, but I am kind. And I will own having been rude and terse in my reply comment. A thank you card is nice. Apologizing when you may have been being an ass is kind. I prefer the latter.
I would however suggest that if you trust Thaddeus, who I've found to be a very kind and nerdy literary gent (as well as a local to me) please check out some stories that are complete narratives from my Substack linked below.
I also offer people the chance to get an editorial autopsy (dev and line pass) on 2500 words or five pages, once a week, for free, they're heavy on tautology but entertaining and maybe you would like them. All you have to do is send five pages to emilottoman@gmail.com and you're in the offings.
I do apologize, since you had no context, maybe give it another go, see if you like anything, and you know, I write for anyone who wants to read my work. Hopefully maybe you, now that I've cleared the air. (I'm a bit of a bastard, I will admit, both literally and figuratively.)
Thank you, your second comment made me take a second to think before responding in an unkind way. If you detect any condescension or insincerity in this reply, I assure you, this is as earnest as I get (you can ask Thad)
I was honored to have him break down this piece, and I was also honored to be the second featured in a series of writers championing other writers on the platform (fantastic idea, I have a contribution coming soon, but I've had a rough year so far.)
You can find that, which is also a decent introduction to my work, here:
You're very welcome, and I'm very thankful for your kind words. And your husband sounds like a good one. And yes, very on the spectrum. He noticed from one note? I keep asking people if it's that obvious then Zani D (check her out too, she's one of us) and yes, please write! (I just moved though so I'm radio silent until fiber is installed and boxes are unpacked.) But, you're welcome, I'm glad you liked the piece, thanks for all the lovely words and yeah, uhh, I'm going to pass out now I guess!
I adore this in such a way that I'm almost afraid to look inside myself and see who I truly am.
'Almost' afraid. The stylised approach adds such a finesse to it, I almost don't register the violence. 'Almost' - but then it hits - hard. Violence there is, and it sounds, tastes and feels accurate.
This beats video games. Easy for me to say, I have an addictive personality so I keep away from them. I read it to my wife, who's all over COD mobile and similar, but not words on a screen because she has dyslexia. She said it kills it. And she doesn't praise things easily.
The character that I write less stylized violence for in the nine story hotel is most definitely Vladimir. However, I would add that anyone who has ever known violence of any kind, specifically involving a a gun, it's actually quite much less interesting than this. Because like I say in another comment for him putting three rounds in someone is just another Tuesday he's a contractor and a veteran of multiple conflicts.
His wife however and if you go to WIP 3 or 4 I believe, his wife actually in this very early iteration of the story which has changed a lot. I'm going to have to rewrite it. But the lobby assault as I call it will remain mostly because it has been constantly referenced in things that are already on the nine story Hotel substack. So if you've read any of the nine story Hotel substack and come across mention of the sanctum or Arthur pinch's office and the way into it being torn open and ruined or mention of bullets and blood being picked out of the lobby floor. Well the only place you can get that backstory right now is on my substack.
I will take this as really high praise because damn. People who play video games and imbibe a lot of violent visual media are hard to impress because they are usually at this point in the game much much more sophisticated consumers of acts of violence than we were in the 1990s when we were kids or even the early 2000s.
I think part of what me helps me when I write things like this is. Obviously as you can tell I come up with an organizing principle so the reader doesn't get confused in the middle of the action. Especially if there's more than one party. The hallway run was easy to write but I would probably rewrite it. However it did point out some very important things like the fact of Balthazar actually knowing everything that he needed and know to do what he was doing. And yes, the measurements for hallways and hotels specifically for a holiday inn Express are all accurate. In fact, all of the details aside from a man being able to pull off a running headshot with a carbine while jumping over a a wingback chair are pretty well accurate to the t.
It may sound corny, but in things like when I'm describing probably the most complex piece of action in the story where he is up close with the knife and the asp, I will physically mime the movements I'm putting on the page to make sure that they are accurately represented and that they would be possible to actually do. This helps because I'm a fairly physical person with a pugilists history of violence.
However, I don't think I really did Justice to exactly how quiet the thread cutter is. It's one of a family of very real weapons that are used by Russian special forces. They have barrels that are basically entirely suppressors surrounding a tube and they do fire very special subsonic ammunition. The main thing about this that's hard to get across is the fact that they call suppressors suppressors for a reason. A 9 mm round coming out of almost any suppressor while being very much suppressed still makes a momentary noise that is around 122 to 135 decibels. That's the equivalent of a jet engine going off. This is very much quieter than a gun going off usually is, but it is hardly the noise that suppressors are usually portrayed as making in media. I have shot a suppressed 9 mm, they are much quieter than in unsuppressed pistol going off but you're still going to be able to hear it across the house or down the block. The thing about the thread cutter is it does make the little thwip noise you associate with suppressors or silencers, the worst mislabeling of something I can think of this early in the morning but it actually does make that noise and it's very very quiet. Which is why that was basically one of very very few projectile throwing weapons that would be appropriate for what he's doing in this scene.
Bonus head Canon since well, I'm one of the editors of the nine story Hotel. Vlad actually probably gave him that weapon.
But thanks to your wife, that's a really cool compliment.
Plus she’s also ex-military, so she knows her shit. She’d have made a damn good sniper, she has the patience, the focus and routinely outperformed her male colleagues, which annoyed them no end!
I did wonder if you’d played out the action. I know a couple of other people who’ve done that, and bought the relevant knives to practice with and get the feel of what it’s like to engage in close combat. I think it’s a necessary process, if you want to make the action believable (up to a point, of course).
Ohh, that's an amazing compliment then, ex-mil are usually impossible to trick. (of course she outperformed her male colleagues, this happens a lot. Women would make amazing scout snipers, but lately I think they've confirmed women members in Delta, which considering their training and selection is insane) They'll usually always out bad work.
Yeah, I mean, you have to just act out some things to make sure that you've written them right, (the turn reversal where he nails one of the pawns in the neck making a full round, that was tricky to pull off.)
But I also know some... uhh, almost method writers. That's an entirely different thing though.
The violence is an artifact in this fiction. The characters are the art. I enjoy the tidbits of knowledge in this piece. I love the grace of the style. Yep, I'm his Mum.
Thank you Sean, It took me a long time to get to this point. I would be lying if I said I wasn't proud of it. This was such an important part of what will eventually be this story because Balthazar up until this point in every narrative has basically been either a side character or someone that is rumored about spoken of. But this is the introduction to him doing what he does.
Believe it or not it took me about 4 weeks, at least a month of preparation before I was able to sit down and bang this out. If you want confirmation, cj Stockton was one of the people who I sent it to before sending it to the person who originally wanted to write Balthazar. And who still holds the character close. The first time I ever wrote something that had Balthazar speaking I got notes on it to change from my editor on the project.
Thankfully when I showed him this piece of writing all that he really had to say that I remember was. "God damn. How did you do that?"
It's noir, so stylized, but I like to keep as many details as possible feasibly realistic., technically everything but the hall run at speed is theoretically feasible from a CQC standpoint (The fluourishes naturally were for the camera, but play it out in your head in the last hallway scene and it tracks. And if you were John Wick with a Val and a red rot, maybe you could make that run, it's less than 600 feet and he only clips five in the hallways after the two at the elevator. The jump shot, no way in hell. You'd have treat what he's doing like an Olympic sport (the entire point of Balthazar.) Balthazar's counterpoint is Vlad. Balthazar is an outlaw assassin, Vlad is a contract warfighter who was in charge of death squads for SPN Vityaz in the second Chechen war.
Really like the pacing of this. The action. I am new to the hotel, but, I enjoy the world building and this piece has me curious about the hotel. It’s rooms and how big it really is. Dope that this is draft 0, inspiring. Thank you for sharing and just putting it out. Iterating and creating. Are you going to edit this, because I am curious to see how you approach that too. Questions that peek my interest as a read around the story world, Is this the first piece you have with this character, I’m curious about their back story, What’s the back story around his abilities?
This was actually the introduction of Balthazar doing what he does. The hotel project is a playground. It was originally from a writing exercise WCB used when he was teaching creative writing at a college. But the hotel is this strange place for bastards Killers the desperate people on the edge of society. But the hotel itself actually is sort of a character. There is set staff that will inevitably end up in nearly every story. And then there were a list stock characters that we could use or we could bring our own characters into the hotel. Vlad is actually from my first novel which I wrote when I was 16 or 17. Him and five other characters have been floating around for over 20 waiting for a place to land. Rufus Balthazar is one of the stock characters and I'm pretty sure he was the POV character WCB was going to write until I got to basically the entire hotel first because when I am excited about something I'm nearly always the first off the blocks.
Part of wanting to be first off the blocks was that I wanted to set the tone for the voice of several of the characters and I was excited to put some characters I'd had floating around for 20 years into a new environment. There's actually about 25 stock characters. If you go to the nine-story hotel sub stack, there's about 60 stories that we put out last year. Most of them we put out in April. I wanted to see if I could run a publication that put out six stories a week and I wanted to see what that would do. For the most part we succeeded but at the end of it we had a problem. The hotel had gone from being mysterious to being overwhelming. There was just too much to it and there wasn't a map yet. This part of the story is from a story that hasn't even started yet on the substack. My sub stack was originally somewhere that I just dumpled old short stories and whatever I was working on for the hotel.
Now I know exactly where this story is going to land in the actual context of what is going on and what has been written in the hotel which is kind of odd the ramifications of this story, specifically something from the 4th work in progress mentioned many times as a sort of McGuffin shadowing what's been written so far.
But basic this had to be written in a way that proves Balthazar is not just some guy that doesn't talk much And litters the the hotel lobby with stubbed out hand rolled cigarillos. Every stock character came with a little bit of flavor text to get your mind jumping about them. His flavor text said that he was possibly the most dangerous person in the hotel, the assassin all the other assassins are afraid of. So it was pretty imperative to get the mood of the character when he is actually doing what he does. Pretty spot on or else I was going to botch a character who had gained the nickname king of killers.
Early on in the hotel in spite of the fact that we try to avoid contemporary cultural references because it's not that kind of place I did manage to get Xania vlad's wife permission to ask him in a toss off comment if it was like that hotel in John wick. The name of which she couldn't remember at the time but Vlad could. The continental. And he had to explain in short that no it is definitely not the continental. Because that would suggest that there is some sort of hierarchy or other kind of logic besides the logic inside the hotel that makes it what it is.
One of the developing tropes in the hotel is basically that the staff does not age and they have been there since. At least the 1920s we have now established with the three-part story diva written by Kristen Peterson. There are only two rules to the hotel as far as supernatural occurrences go because there actually are ghosts + it may actually be an evil f****** hotel when you get down to it. Those two rules are no multiverse f******, and this is going to sound weird but no goddamn, wormholes or portals. Nothing of that nature. I know that sounds weird but trust me it was an issue at one point with a rough draft of a story.
Anyone can join and write for the hotel if they want to. You just have to be good at playing with other people because there is an established Lord and there are certain characters whose voices you would have to get right.
Like the concierge? Arthur pinch. Since he's a concierge he basically has to be in every story. He's got a very particular voice and I basically developed it. But the easiest way to think about his voice is to imagine the concierge from the Grand Budapest hotel, okay now I imagine he is also possibly a serial killer and every time a new guest turns their back. He is liable to threaten cutting someone's skin off, but he would do it in a very polite manner. He's one of my favorite characters to write. Originally it was going to be an anthology. Wcb, Craig Clevenger, trying to get Steven Graham Jones, Brian Evanson, a lot of people from WCB and Craig Clevenger 's old forums. The Velvet which produced probably 20 or more published authors. And I was around back then. It's just I was a lurker. So my knowledge of it is nearly encyclopedic but I never participated. There's that whole imposter syndrome thing. But yeah shoot me an email or just read anything that says WIP or is under the label hotel on my stuff stack and you'll get the whole story of the Russians as it stood. Since writing it originally, it's become clear A serious overhaul is going to be needed. But whatever that's how writing goes. I very rarely take a draft and actually edit it. I am much more prone to starting over completely with the knowledge gained from the first draft.
But no, this is. This is actually the first time that you get to see Balthazar do his thing. Which is why it has the sort of ominous separated intro. The other piece of flavor text was there's only one photograph of him in existence. So all the things about dodging cameras etc. are all part of the myth of the character.
This sounds dope. Like similar to how multiple writers contribute to a comic book character or world. So the world. Of the hotel is open and other writers sort of contribute to it.
Curious to know what was some of the pitfalls around with the portals or multidimensional stuff. Just wanting to know if there’s any lessons learned their writing .
Thank you. If You're actually interested in looking around the hotel just shoot me an email. The hotel actually does have a size. The hotel is mapped out in my brain. If you go all the way back to wip1, That's the introduction to the hotel that got edited down into the viscera of the nine by WCB, who is not only an amazing writer but a damn fine editor in his own right. And very close friend. But that first piece I think it's maybe the second or third story in my sub stack is the introduction to the hotel.
I made a couple of posts a while ago about the hotel because it is an active project. But thank you. I only write first drafts that are tight because I have written so many s*** piles. Also, you could probably tell, But since I come from a minimalist school and lineage as far as writing goes and prose I am a sentence level writer. Very glad you enjoyed this. Hell, I'm very glad that anybody enjoys anything I write.
See I've been an editor so long because I have a nuclear weapons grade case of imposter syndrome. Because I am entirely self-taught. Which is also why I don't have much love through the big houses.
I dig your tight prose. Letting the story structure or world do the suggestive work. I feel like it’s a sort of Wu Tang style. They all rap for like 8 bars but those 8 bars had no filler. Direct. Protect your neck kid!
I’ll definitely do some digging and check it out. I’m a fan of Octavia Buttler and maps are a big part of her unseen world building process. I love Octavia Butlers prose, very direct as well. And she just pulls you into the story.
I know imposter syndrome all too well. It’s a brave act to write inspire of the physiological, let alone psychological, discomfort of such afflictions. Brave stuff we are doing 🙏🏽💚
Yeah it really is and also to be compared to anything to do with Wu-Tang clan is going to immediately make my day. So thank you for that.
The map of the hotel that he describes the actual story is correct. Along with any of the details that he gives about average hotels. The width of A hallway and the length of a hallway in a Holiday inn Express, it was not the super easiest thing to research, but those are both true. And for hotels fairly consistent.
It was the hotel project and being the editor of it specifically along with the trust that a well-published cult author or two had in me that helped me start to get over my impostor syndrome a bit. (Odd it never transferred to editing. I've felt secure as an editor for over a decade, but my own work?! Hell no.)
That was up! Shout out to you for showing up and working through that imposter syndrome. Also, it’s always impressive to hear about how writers do research. I find myself digging a lot, but I have a hard time organizing the sources so that I can draw on them when it comes time to write. Specifically when it comes to writing pros. When it comes to poetry and rap, you can kind of draw on those sources fairly willy-nilly. And there’s a lot more room for forgiveness regarding mistakes.
I'm very very glad you explained we were supposed to concentrate on the "action" of violence. Otherwise, I don't have a clue about this --I can't call it a story -- episode? For example, what is "pointillist red"? Pointillism is a painting technique, and red can be anything from rose to Chinese to cherry, etc.. The reference makes no sense unless the author meant blood droplets. Beats me.
I have no idea what the stakes are. I know they all have Russian names, so are they part of the Russian Mafia? Is the Hotel in Moscow Russia or Moscow Idaho? Is this just a character study of a meanie? What's Wip4? Are the other numbers chessmen positions? Is this Hotel California-type place where people check in and either kill or die. If that's true, why rescue Vlad? Is he important? He's being guarded, so I assume he must be. Who hired this Bal guy and are he and Vlad spies? Thieves? And what's with the people in the lobby, etc. Why, in God's name, do you check into a place that is know for violent deaths and you 're too afraid to walk down the hallway? I'm sure the other episodes explain it; I hope so. Although, "0 draft" sounds like the opening sequence of a story. After all the verbiage, the reader should be located somewhere in space and time.
I don't want to be a Debbie-downer, but why is there no coherent dialog? I see the author has shown-AND-told us things, but neither has he told us anything important about Balthazar in his own words. Is this a stream-of-consciousness story? James Joyce and all that?
This is a draft for a serial episode in the 9 Story Hotel. THAT is the context. ninestoryhotel.substack.com WIP4 stands for "Work in progress 4." If you looked at my Substack, you would know this, or hopefully be able to intuit it.
Before I needed to supplement my income as a developmental editor by monetizing my Substack, this was just my place for posting either what I was working on for another publication I co-run, or a place I threw an odd short story here or there.
There is coherent dialogue, you just have no context for it. This is a single thread from an entire part of a whole.
How you don't see the reader located in space and time, I don't know. The lobby scene is, as stated, a flashback. In fact, it is very specifically separated out AS a flashback.
The sequence between Vlad and Balthazar explains the entire rest of how the short is about to operate. The chess conceit is explained clearly. If you're not imaginative enough to put together pointillist red as being metaphorical blood splatter on a hotel wall, I can't help you.
This piece was written in third indirect discourse, in present tense. (And if you think third indirect discourse is just close or limited third, I have an essay for you that I haven't written yet. But would be glad to.)
You're not a Debbie downer, you're just deeply, deeply ignorant about what you're talking about.
I bow to your insightful intellectual estimation of a naive reader who did not visit your site because I wasn’t directed to it. I was told to read the story that Thad posted of yours, and I did. I have no knowledge of you, your life, or your reasons for being on substack. I had no idea you are so knowledgeable, nor can I read minds or decipher meanings when, in the middle of a sentence Wip4 pops up (the designation was not capitalized, by the way) —I would have used parentheses to make sure this was not part of the story. For all I know it could have been a fantasy weapon designation in what seemed a surreal environment. And, indirect discourse can easily throw readers off in long paragraphs.
I think what threw me off was the lack of quotation marks (I had the same trouble with McCarthy’s writing also), and the lack of dialog among the other characters. Hence, the “stream of consciousness” alternative I suggested.
I would think that, if this is a WIP (work in progress), you might like to know where the average reader (whom you obviously consider inferior by your condescension) might stumble over the story. I would think you’re writing this story to have ordinary people read it, but I may be wrong on that also.
Talk about a Work in Progress! When I wrote my MFA novel/thesis, I had to please two committee members and an outside reader who knew nothing (nada, nein, zilch) about WW II, and had to make MANY adjustments to make the story accessible to them. I never spoke to them the way you have spoken to me.
Just one more thing: I didn’t say it was bad writing. I said, I didn’t understand it as written, and needed clarification. Perhaps you are an experimental writer and good on you for that. But trust me, I guarantee that I, as a dumb person, will never read anything more with your name on it, and I still don’t know what color “pointillism” red is.
Allow us a do-over, if you would. Because that response was very "first thought" of me. And the first thought is rarely the best one. (Unless you're mathematician Paul Erdos and you have a PILE of speed in front of you.)
You were being a pedant (or so I took it, I'm sorry). I responded with pedantry and condescension (I'm a Millennial, these are two of my specialties), you upped the game with more pedantry and counter-condescension. And so, I apologize. I can be a little prickly when someone drops an essay length response on a fragment or scene I've written that's been read by many more successful and well published authors than I, and asked of it "how the fuck did you do pull that off and make it work?" including Craig Clevenger, Will Christopher Baer, a few others. (this is a draft before a first draft, it should have been pointillist red, good catch actually. As to what color pointillist red would be, it would be the color of blood splattered on a wall.) We can have different opinions on free indirect discourse, that's fine. I also have a strange proclivity and love of writing in second person, marking me as terminally odd.
I'm a multi genre agnostic literary author/editor from the underbelly of a corner of the indie publishing world who works mostly on word of mouth and almost exclusively on referral, that is until everyone tightened their wallets after the election, driving me here. I found notes, was told by my fiancee notes is where the algorithm was, and started to notice a lot of good writing. There was also a lot of very confused and very poorly composed fiction in need of a good edit.
I am a formal experimentalist. I'm also in line with the lineage of minimalist from Gordon Lish's workshops, to Spanbauer's workshops, to Chuck Palahniuk's own take modified from Spanbauer, of whom he was a longtime student, and now there are more of us creating the next iteration of Lish's minimalism/Spanbauer's Dangerous Writing (Tom Spanbauer's workshop that famously produced Chuck Palahniuk, Suzy Vitello, Lidia Yuknavich, Elle Nash, Rob Hart, et al. I don't think I need to write the laundry list of who came out of Gordon Lish's legendary workshops and went on to publish) Apocalyptically, thanks to a love of Pynchon and my abilities (I'm a very proficient mimic) after 20 years around publishing and writing towards pub, 15 spent editing, 10 spent editing professionally, I'm also a bit of a Maximalist. I'm a sentence and systems level writer, a holistic editor, and a fan of books that are complex and rewarding. I'm a translation nerd, genre agnostic (there are two classifiers of fiction, the good and everything else.) I'm obviously not a proscriptive linguist, and I believe anyone can be taught to write proficiently and with their own unique voice. I'm very long winded informally, but tamp it down when money is involved. I'm also a wee bit really autistic and have weapons grade ADHD (probably why I'm good at what I do, and I will not mince or give in to my massive impostor syndrome. I'm very good at what I do. Some people get MFAs. I was on track to be in computational/cognitive/theoretical neuroscience but had to drop out because money exists and historically, my family is working class poor, though mom DOES have a BA in English lit. I've spent more than most MFAs working with authors I actually enjoy, learning from people I actually care for and read about, and attending workshops, seminars, and putting myself through various meatgrinders to earn my stripes. I appreciate your MFA, but I'm not big on credentialism and I live in Misery, the show me state. I've met four people who completed the Iowa Workshop MFA. Guess what? None of them were writing for a living. Nor doing anything writing adjacent. But as a true AuDHD afflicted microplastic filled 39 year old, I've digressed completely down at least two rabbit holes, I do apologize for the abuse of parentheticals.)
Nice to meet you. I will admit that I'm not a nice person, but I am kind. And I will own having been rude and terse in my reply comment. A thank you card is nice. Apologizing when you may have been being an ass is kind. I prefer the latter.
I would however suggest that if you trust Thaddeus, who I've found to be a very kind and nerdy literary gent (as well as a local to me) please check out some stories that are complete narratives from my Substack linked below.
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/you-ever-actually-read-faust
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/my-name-is-my-name (The single best story I wrote last year.)
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/a-salton-eternity
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/the-everett-hypothesisfragment (The beginning of a novel in draft)
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/our-yearshort (The short story that took eight years to write.)
I also offer people the chance to get an editorial autopsy (dev and line pass) on 2500 words or five pages, once a week, for free, they're heavy on tautology but entertaining and maybe you would like them. All you have to do is send five pages to emilottoman@gmail.com and you're in the offings.
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/invitation-to-the-autopsy
I do apologize, since you had no context, maybe give it another go, see if you like anything, and you know, I write for anyone who wants to read my work. Hopefully maybe you, now that I've cleared the air. (I'm a bit of a bastard, I will admit, both literally and figuratively.)
Thank you, your second comment made me take a second to think before responding in an unkind way. If you detect any condescension or insincerity in this reply, I assure you, this is as earnest as I get (you can ask Thad)
I was honored to have him break down this piece, and I was also honored to be the second featured in a series of writers championing other writers on the platform (fantastic idea, I have a contribution coming soon, but I've had a rough year so far.)
You can find that, which is also a decent introduction to my work, here:
https://literarysalon.thaddeusthomas.com/p/his-stories-will-hurt-you
I hope you have a pleasant evening.
I mean I'm just 500 pieces of other authors in a trench coat.
You're very welcome, and I'm very thankful for your kind words. And your husband sounds like a good one. And yes, very on the spectrum. He noticed from one note? I keep asking people if it's that obvious then Zani D (check her out too, she's one of us) and yes, please write! (I just moved though so I'm radio silent until fiber is installed and boxes are unpacked.) But, you're welcome, I'm glad you liked the piece, thanks for all the lovely words and yeah, uhh, I'm going to pass out now I guess!
I adore this in such a way that I'm almost afraid to look inside myself and see who I truly am.
'Almost' afraid. The stylised approach adds such a finesse to it, I almost don't register the violence. 'Almost' - but then it hits - hard. Violence there is, and it sounds, tastes and feels accurate.
This beats video games. Easy for me to say, I have an addictive personality so I keep away from them. I read it to my wife, who's all over COD mobile and similar, but not words on a screen because she has dyslexia. She said it kills it. And she doesn't praise things easily.
The character that I write less stylized violence for in the nine story hotel is most definitely Vladimir. However, I would add that anyone who has ever known violence of any kind, specifically involving a a gun, it's actually quite much less interesting than this. Because like I say in another comment for him putting three rounds in someone is just another Tuesday he's a contractor and a veteran of multiple conflicts.
His wife however and if you go to WIP 3 or 4 I believe, his wife actually in this very early iteration of the story which has changed a lot. I'm going to have to rewrite it. But the lobby assault as I call it will remain mostly because it has been constantly referenced in things that are already on the nine story Hotel substack. So if you've read any of the nine story Hotel substack and come across mention of the sanctum or Arthur pinch's office and the way into it being torn open and ruined or mention of bullets and blood being picked out of the lobby floor. Well the only place you can get that backstory right now is on my substack.
Yes, I’ve read a few - I need to catch up but where the hell is the time going?! I need a rerun of the past couple of decades.
I agree, experiencing violence is much less interesting. Not been on the other end of a gun thankfully, but still.
I will take this as really high praise because damn. People who play video games and imbibe a lot of violent visual media are hard to impress because they are usually at this point in the game much much more sophisticated consumers of acts of violence than we were in the 1990s when we were kids or even the early 2000s.
I think part of what me helps me when I write things like this is. Obviously as you can tell I come up with an organizing principle so the reader doesn't get confused in the middle of the action. Especially if there's more than one party. The hallway run was easy to write but I would probably rewrite it. However it did point out some very important things like the fact of Balthazar actually knowing everything that he needed and know to do what he was doing. And yes, the measurements for hallways and hotels specifically for a holiday inn Express are all accurate. In fact, all of the details aside from a man being able to pull off a running headshot with a carbine while jumping over a a wingback chair are pretty well accurate to the t.
It may sound corny, but in things like when I'm describing probably the most complex piece of action in the story where he is up close with the knife and the asp, I will physically mime the movements I'm putting on the page to make sure that they are accurately represented and that they would be possible to actually do. This helps because I'm a fairly physical person with a pugilists history of violence.
However, I don't think I really did Justice to exactly how quiet the thread cutter is. It's one of a family of very real weapons that are used by Russian special forces. They have barrels that are basically entirely suppressors surrounding a tube and they do fire very special subsonic ammunition. The main thing about this that's hard to get across is the fact that they call suppressors suppressors for a reason. A 9 mm round coming out of almost any suppressor while being very much suppressed still makes a momentary noise that is around 122 to 135 decibels. That's the equivalent of a jet engine going off. This is very much quieter than a gun going off usually is, but it is hardly the noise that suppressors are usually portrayed as making in media. I have shot a suppressed 9 mm, they are much quieter than in unsuppressed pistol going off but you're still going to be able to hear it across the house or down the block. The thing about the thread cutter is it does make the little thwip noise you associate with suppressors or silencers, the worst mislabeling of something I can think of this early in the morning but it actually does make that noise and it's very very quiet. Which is why that was basically one of very very few projectile throwing weapons that would be appropriate for what he's doing in this scene.
Bonus head Canon since well, I'm one of the editors of the nine story Hotel. Vlad actually probably gave him that weapon.
But thanks to your wife, that's a really cool compliment.
Plus she’s also ex-military, so she knows her shit. She’d have made a damn good sniper, she has the patience, the focus and routinely outperformed her male colleagues, which annoyed them no end!
I did wonder if you’d played out the action. I know a couple of other people who’ve done that, and bought the relevant knives to practice with and get the feel of what it’s like to engage in close combat. I think it’s a necessary process, if you want to make the action believable (up to a point, of course).
Ohh, that's an amazing compliment then, ex-mil are usually impossible to trick. (of course she outperformed her male colleagues, this happens a lot. Women would make amazing scout snipers, but lately I think they've confirmed women members in Delta, which considering their training and selection is insane) They'll usually always out bad work.
Yeah, I mean, you have to just act out some things to make sure that you've written them right, (the turn reversal where he nails one of the pawns in the neck making a full round, that was tricky to pull off.)
But I also know some... uhh, almost method writers. That's an entirely different thing though.
The violence is an artifact in this fiction. The characters are the art. I enjoy the tidbits of knowledge in this piece. I love the grace of the style. Yep, I'm his Mum.
Oowweee this was exciting to read!
Action writing at its best. Cool stuff, Emil!
Thank you Sean, It took me a long time to get to this point. I would be lying if I said I wasn't proud of it. This was such an important part of what will eventually be this story because Balthazar up until this point in every narrative has basically been either a side character or someone that is rumored about spoken of. But this is the introduction to him doing what he does.
Believe it or not it took me about 4 weeks, at least a month of preparation before I was able to sit down and bang this out. If you want confirmation, cj Stockton was one of the people who I sent it to before sending it to the person who originally wanted to write Balthazar. And who still holds the character close. The first time I ever wrote something that had Balthazar speaking I got notes on it to change from my editor on the project.
Thankfully when I showed him this piece of writing all that he really had to say that I remember was. "God damn. How did you do that?"
Gorgeous and terrifying.
Seriously
Did John Wick write this ?
It's noir, so stylized, but I like to keep as many details as possible feasibly realistic., technically everything but the hall run at speed is theoretically feasible from a CQC standpoint (The fluourishes naturally were for the camera, but play it out in your head in the last hallway scene and it tracks. And if you were John Wick with a Val and a red rot, maybe you could make that run, it's less than 600 feet and he only clips five in the hallways after the two at the elevator. The jump shot, no way in hell. You'd have treat what he's doing like an Olympic sport (the entire point of Balthazar.) Balthazar's counterpoint is Vlad. Balthazar is an outlaw assassin, Vlad is a contract warfighter who was in charge of death squads for SPN Vityaz in the second Chechen war.
Bosch is just a cunt.
It's why Balthazar never beat Vlad at chess. Aside from he's a Russian, he was a Commissioned Captain in Vityaz, and he's really good at chess.
Well you nailed it man —learned a lot
No. I did.
Woah.
Fuck you this is good.
he's so annoyingly good. absolutely the sort of stuff i love. ultra violence. noir. detailed
I hear that 100%
delicious
I'm going to say the quiet part out loud. This is a zero draft. I changed a few things before posting it, but damn, I'm good.
yeah.. not half bad!