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Nick Winney's avatar

some great foundational edits to really make this a lot better and how i write it going forward...

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Sean Bohl's avatar

Wow, this is great advice. Thanks Nick and Emil. Im glad George stacked the link. Maybe Ill step up to the Choping block. I'd give my best imatation of a Spanbauer, Drake, Vitello, Palahniuk, Hempel, and Lish lovechild monster of a short story to you to murder. I want to get better at writing. I need it.

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M.P. Fitzgerald's avatar

Personally, Emil's edits are my best-spent dollars this year. If you are thinking of doing it-- do it. The education alone is worth five times the price

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M.P. Fitzgerald's avatar

Nick, you're a sick man and I love you for it. I am eager to see what you do with the suggestions/edits. This story is swimming in blood and I want to see more.

Emil, phenomenal work.

To anyone else who happens to see this comment: hire this man. Your fiction deserves it

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Zivah Avraham's avatar

Oooh, yes, yes, what a great ‘Emil Is My Editor’ opener, Nick. So much editorial meat to work with, this must be giving you so many ideas and ways to move forward with your novel! I’m looking forward to reading the next iteration 😊

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alex b.'s avatar

I'm interested in reading more of the story.

Thanks Nick and Emil for sharing!

Emil these are great writing tips. I might need to hire you as my editor some day.

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Emil Ottoman's avatar

I'm on flex pay right now or else I'm gonna knock over a trap house and no one wants that.

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alex b.'s avatar

Please don't lol

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Emil Ottoman's avatar

We tryn'a avoid it. But the state streets DO exist. And they popped the 55 boys but someone already picked up that route. Got weed runners coming in from Oklahoma cutting everyone's necks with hundred boxes at 650 a unit, eventually they gonna get slabbed.

Of all people YOU know how STL works.

I think there's action in that used to be La Quinta up airport way off 270, but my ears and eyes haven't gotten back to me.

The name on my fed indictment USED to hold weight in this town. Now I'm just a civilian wrestling with the fact that my existence is a class war offset of the belligerent nature of existing inside of the superstructure of white supremacy while being both a race traitor (classically, I went to the International Studies Middle School and then Gateway, White Supremacy as the norm mixed with White Minority as lived reality is a confusing thing for a young man no matter how adroit to manage, so instead of being salty about it I ended up with a multicultural rainbow of friends. My biggest problem with criminal hippies always being they happen to be mostly low key crypto racists, no shit. Not my style. Some day I'll tell you why I can't go to Las Vegas because of the Hell's Angels.) and of the lower castes.

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alex b.'s avatar

Wow! Crazy Vegas story? Yeah I wanna hear about that.

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Emil Ottoman's avatar

Hah. You got signal? I may seem like a loudmouth but for real, there's only so much I'll talk about without encryption in place.

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alex b.'s avatar

Oh I understand. You can't say everything everywhere.

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Nick Winney's avatar

tHey Alex if your interested to read more of the story...the full part 1 is here

https://open.substack.com/pub/nickwinney/p/jiro-jones?r=2fhpll&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false

and links to part 2 and 3 are in that post.

im still in a bit of a haze with the autopsy... stoked.

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alex b.'s avatar

Will do. Thank you!

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Nick Winney's avatar

do it - seriously. best money I ever spent here.

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alex b.'s avatar

I'm keeping that in mind. You got some solid feedback!

I'm slowly building myself to short story level. That's my goal this year.

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Nick Winney's avatar

ill be looking out for it Alex 😎

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