I’m sorry… I really wanted to get it, but I don’t. I’m new to this app and found your page while searching for editors. I’m writing my first novella, and I’ve been looking for someone I can trust to edit it. But honestly, this reads like my first draft. There are more typos and grammatical errors than I can count.
You’re listed as #99 in Fiction, and I don’t get it. How?
I get that no one’s perfect, but your work here barely shows any effort. After seeing the comment war below, I have to say—it’s frustrating to watch you trash someone for their grammar when your own work is at a second-grade level. I’m no Gordon Lish, but come on. Put in some work.
I know you’re probably going to respond with vitriol instead of actually addressing the critique. But, hey, I’m here for it. Go ahead. Tear my stuff apart if you want. I'm obviously not a serious, great writer like you are.
And by the way, I saw the other comments/commenters. It looks like you’ve surrounded yourself with sycophants who won’t call you out. I’m not one of them.
It's most likely satirising something you don't know much about, which would explain your confusion.
The grammar in the piece is the grammar that was written for the piece, along with the syntax. Nothing here is out of place. In a literary sense, this is written in voice. And your issues with the grammar or syntax are fine, but I'm here to tell you that once you get past a certain point in your craft, proscriptive grammar is going to bite you in the ass. It's that old hack where they say you have to learn the rules to break them. I mean this with no disrespect, but I've learned the rules inside and out. If I'm breaking them, there's a reason.
You don't have to agree with that reason, and you don't have to like my flash fiction here, but I sleep with a copy of Fowler's Dictionary of Modern Usage 3d Edition under my pillow. It's probably why I have a stiff neck.
I'm not tearing anything apart, I'm simply telling you that you've fundamentally misinterpreted something about this short, which is fine. It may not be your cuppa.
"I’m writing my first novella, and I’ve been looking for someone I can trust to edit it." Good luck, sincerely. My rates are on my services page and I'd love to see some of it. Half of what this is, is a persona, an act. Emil Ottoman is a brand. I'm really not that much of an asshole.
The comment war below; I can't see it anymore because I blocked that guy after he attacked me on my own page for 24 hours straight for no discernable reason aside from liking a post by Wayback Machine dissing DFW. (Which, coincidentally, I really like DFW, but I get that he had things about him you could make fun of, all authors do. I certainly do.)
It's ironic that you invoke Lish because I come from a formal minimalist background that starts at Lish and moves through Spanbauer, Palahniuk, and the newest stubs on that branch of the tree who I consider contemporaries like Elle Nash and Blake Butler.
I'm an author/editor with severe imposter syndrome. It's why I edit. And I've not read anything you've written aside from this comment, so why would I respond with vitriol? You're not being a dick about anything, you're being quite polite for basically calling me a shit. I can respect that.
However, I've not surrounded myself with any of these people: they found me. Or rather, many of us found each other. And what's more, a lot of them helped me when I was having a serious crisis earlier this year having to do with housing and I'm still trying to make good on a lot of deliverables and financial help the fiction community provided me with at a very bad time in my life.
Judge for yourself. Here is a link to a published story.
And here is a link to an editorial autopsy (the first), a free line and dev edit pass I try to do for anyone willing to send me five pages, they include extensive line and developmental work and have been a hit with the fiction community on Substack. They also include a little bit of tautology sometimes because, well, everyone is in a different place. But I wanted to provide something for free that I saw people on the platform paywalling heavily, which I consider to be a form of heavy gatekeeping and charlatanism.
I'm #99 in Fiction because I have paid subscribers, that's the main way to get on that leaderboard.
Substack is where most of my work comes from right now. Historically I work on referral and word of mouth, but a lot of repeat clients and agents tightened their belts after the election and it put me into a financial famine. So, here I am.
And cool on calling me out. I don't know why aside from the ancillary commentary you read on this post in the comments by someone I blocked you would think I'd respond with vitriol or haughtiness. I'm currently taking at least one more Novella client if you'd like to actually talk (and I'd like to hear what it's about. What else is the point of being an editor, I like reading and I like other people's work. You gotta love what you do, or at least be proficient at it.)
If you've made up your mind based exclusively on what you've seen here though, I respect it. Have a decent upcoming week. I hope you find an editor to work with who isn't bad at what they do (this isn't mock sincerity, it's honesty, for the record. Prosody doesn't always come out well on the internet when snark and sarcasm are the norm. And there are a lot of really bad editors out there.)
You know you sound like a conceited asshole, right?
Apparently I struck a chord. I must be onto something. If I were as secure in my work as you are, and some internet twerp who hasn't written a damn thing started talking smack that I knew to be untrue, I'd simply ignore him. I wouldn't respond with 800+ words about how awesome I am, how many times I read this usage book (which means nothing), and my "best work" (also riddled with typos).
You do know what a hyphen is, right?
But hey, maybe I'm not up to your standards.
No way I'd hire you as an editor. Because you're not an editor.
I AM a conceited asshole. I'm a writer. What's worse, I'm an editor. I was trying to NOT be an asshole for once. Jesus Christ. And, here's where I say what I was politely dancing around in the first comment: You don't know shit about what you're talking about.
Your prose is dead on the page, a clone of a clone of ten other clones writing the same sort of shit. I read your flash, excerpt, whatever, Stream of Consciousnes #1.
Here's what a decade working with clients has taught me in a nutshell.
An excerpt from your reply comment on that piece: "I'm writing a novella, but it's unconventional in the sense that there's no clear plot. Every chapter is written stream of consciousness and very lightly edited to preserve the original intent. Glad you enjoyed this, thank you!"
You're not looking for an editor, you're looking for validation. You only THINK you're looking for an editor, which means you're the absolute worst kind of client on the fucking planet.
So no, you're not up to my standards. I can take someone with a draft that isn't great and pull them up. But a decade getting paid to do this has taught me ONE thing if nothing else, and that's that you're NEVER going to find an editor who's up to your standards. You'll hire a hack (there's plenty of them out there ready to take your fucking money) they'll bleed you for what they can get, tell you you're great, you're just fine, their editorial advice will amount to cosmetic stroking of your ego, and after about $2,000.00 of this, your novella will magically be ready for the world, because you're a genius. Definitely better than me, so, you know, be proud of that. You'll self pub, and you'll be confused as to why no one is saying you're the next fucking Pynchon (or WHOEVER your literary idol is that you're aping or wish you were.)
OH, and I know what a hypen is, I also know when and how I want to use them, thanks.
After skimming this response I see you're here for discourse. There's a $25 read-only fee before I decide to take you on as an adversary. Venmo is @FYPM
After skimming this response I see you're here for discourse. There's a $25 read-only fee before I decide to take you on as an adversary. Venmo is @FYPM
After skimming this response I see you're here for discourse. There's a $25 read-only fee before I decide to take you on as an adversary. Venmo is @FYPM
You've evalutatied nothing, and have no sense of my ability to distinguish from your self-pitying, contstant referarral to yourself and your living contiditons (as though you're the only one!) and your actual abilities to edit. You cannot produce a singular comment without turning it back onto yourself and your self-weeping monologues. Montns of you self-weeping is getting pretty old. What you "provide" is semi-basic "editing" for those who've never had any, and a whole lot of self-aggrandizinng bullshit.
That's a mighty fine pile of words you got there, but it sounds like you're projecting just a little bit. Might want to work on your anger issues, and remember, your therapist probably told you this at some point, you don't always have to interact. You can in fact just scroll your shitty ass down the road.
People generally like me. I don't give a fuck if you do. I provide a service. You may not want or need it. Guess what, other people do. The autopsies are basic because MANY PEOPLE ON SUBSTACK HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH AN EDITOR OF ANY KIND.
If you want, kindly define "semi basic" in reference to editing. I could use the laugh.
I'm not on your dick. this is the internet, and you have liklely deluded yourself into thinking it's a personal assaulut on it. That's your perspective, not mine. I have nothing to do with your manhood unless you feel it is threatened. I do have a problem with you, though, calling yourself the editor when you last edited youself, That might be something to to with yourtself and your perception of your own
Sending this piece of flash fiction to one of my author-clients today as an example of exemplary letter writing. So well done.
Please read if you haven't already. And follow Emil, too, for talking the talk and walking the walk.
Eyes peeled on production always 🫡
I’m sorry… I really wanted to get it, but I don’t. I’m new to this app and found your page while searching for editors. I’m writing my first novella, and I’ve been looking for someone I can trust to edit it. But honestly, this reads like my first draft. There are more typos and grammatical errors than I can count.
You’re listed as #99 in Fiction, and I don’t get it. How?
I get that no one’s perfect, but your work here barely shows any effort. After seeing the comment war below, I have to say—it’s frustrating to watch you trash someone for their grammar when your own work is at a second-grade level. I’m no Gordon Lish, but come on. Put in some work.
I know you’re probably going to respond with vitriol instead of actually addressing the critique. But, hey, I’m here for it. Go ahead. Tear my stuff apart if you want. I'm obviously not a serious, great writer like you are.
And by the way, I saw the other comments/commenters. It looks like you’ve surrounded yourself with sycophants who won’t call you out. I’m not one of them.
This is a piece of flash fiction.
This is also satire.
It's most likely satirising something you don't know much about, which would explain your confusion.
The grammar in the piece is the grammar that was written for the piece, along with the syntax. Nothing here is out of place. In a literary sense, this is written in voice. And your issues with the grammar or syntax are fine, but I'm here to tell you that once you get past a certain point in your craft, proscriptive grammar is going to bite you in the ass. It's that old hack where they say you have to learn the rules to break them. I mean this with no disrespect, but I've learned the rules inside and out. If I'm breaking them, there's a reason.
You don't have to agree with that reason, and you don't have to like my flash fiction here, but I sleep with a copy of Fowler's Dictionary of Modern Usage 3d Edition under my pillow. It's probably why I have a stiff neck.
I'm not tearing anything apart, I'm simply telling you that you've fundamentally misinterpreted something about this short, which is fine. It may not be your cuppa.
"I’m writing my first novella, and I’ve been looking for someone I can trust to edit it." Good luck, sincerely. My rates are on my services page and I'd love to see some of it. Half of what this is, is a persona, an act. Emil Ottoman is a brand. I'm really not that much of an asshole.
The comment war below; I can't see it anymore because I blocked that guy after he attacked me on my own page for 24 hours straight for no discernable reason aside from liking a post by Wayback Machine dissing DFW. (Which, coincidentally, I really like DFW, but I get that he had things about him you could make fun of, all authors do. I certainly do.)
It's ironic that you invoke Lish because I come from a formal minimalist background that starts at Lish and moves through Spanbauer, Palahniuk, and the newest stubs on that branch of the tree who I consider contemporaries like Elle Nash and Blake Butler.
I'm an author/editor with severe imposter syndrome. It's why I edit. And I've not read anything you've written aside from this comment, so why would I respond with vitriol? You're not being a dick about anything, you're being quite polite for basically calling me a shit. I can respect that.
However, I've not surrounded myself with any of these people: they found me. Or rather, many of us found each other. And what's more, a lot of them helped me when I was having a serious crisis earlier this year having to do with housing and I'm still trying to make good on a lot of deliverables and financial help the fiction community provided me with at a very bad time in my life.
Judge for yourself. Here is a link to a published story.
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/floridecayim-bleeding
And here is a link to an editorial autopsy (the first), a free line and dev edit pass I try to do for anyone willing to send me five pages, they include extensive line and developmental work and have been a hit with the fiction community on Substack. They also include a little bit of tautology sometimes because, well, everyone is in a different place. But I wanted to provide something for free that I saw people on the platform paywalling heavily, which I consider to be a form of heavy gatekeeping and charlatanism.
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/invitation-to-the-autopsy
And what I consider to be my best short story last year, simply because yeah, I'm proud of it.
https://emilottoman.substack.com/p/my-name-is-my-name
I'm #99 in Fiction because I have paid subscribers, that's the main way to get on that leaderboard.
Substack is where most of my work comes from right now. Historically I work on referral and word of mouth, but a lot of repeat clients and agents tightened their belts after the election and it put me into a financial famine. So, here I am.
And cool on calling me out. I don't know why aside from the ancillary commentary you read on this post in the comments by someone I blocked you would think I'd respond with vitriol or haughtiness. I'm currently taking at least one more Novella client if you'd like to actually talk (and I'd like to hear what it's about. What else is the point of being an editor, I like reading and I like other people's work. You gotta love what you do, or at least be proficient at it.)
If you've made up your mind based exclusively on what you've seen here though, I respect it. Have a decent upcoming week. I hope you find an editor to work with who isn't bad at what they do (this isn't mock sincerity, it's honesty, for the record. Prosody doesn't always come out well on the internet when snark and sarcasm are the norm. And there are a lot of really bad editors out there.)
Good luck, and Godspeed.
You know you sound like a conceited asshole, right?
Apparently I struck a chord. I must be onto something. If I were as secure in my work as you are, and some internet twerp who hasn't written a damn thing started talking smack that I knew to be untrue, I'd simply ignore him. I wouldn't respond with 800+ words about how awesome I am, how many times I read this usage book (which means nothing), and my "best work" (also riddled with typos).
You do know what a hyphen is, right?
But hey, maybe I'm not up to your standards.
No way I'd hire you as an editor. Because you're not an editor.
Good luck, but no God.
I AM a conceited asshole. I'm a writer. What's worse, I'm an editor. I was trying to NOT be an asshole for once. Jesus Christ. And, here's where I say what I was politely dancing around in the first comment: You don't know shit about what you're talking about.
Your prose is dead on the page, a clone of a clone of ten other clones writing the same sort of shit. I read your flash, excerpt, whatever, Stream of Consciousnes #1.
Here's what a decade working with clients has taught me in a nutshell.
An excerpt from your reply comment on that piece: "I'm writing a novella, but it's unconventional in the sense that there's no clear plot. Every chapter is written stream of consciousness and very lightly edited to preserve the original intent. Glad you enjoyed this, thank you!"
You're not looking for an editor, you're looking for validation. You only THINK you're looking for an editor, which means you're the absolute worst kind of client on the fucking planet.
So no, you're not up to my standards. I can take someone with a draft that isn't great and pull them up. But a decade getting paid to do this has taught me ONE thing if nothing else, and that's that you're NEVER going to find an editor who's up to your standards. You'll hire a hack (there's plenty of them out there ready to take your fucking money) they'll bleed you for what they can get, tell you you're great, you're just fine, their editorial advice will amount to cosmetic stroking of your ego, and after about $2,000.00 of this, your novella will magically be ready for the world, because you're a genius. Definitely better than me, so, you know, be proud of that. You'll self pub, and you'll be confused as to why no one is saying you're the next fucking Pynchon (or WHOEVER your literary idol is that you're aping or wish you were.)
OH, and I know what a hypen is, I also know when and how I want to use them, thanks.
I don't need luck, and I don't care for god.
But, good luck to you.
You're going to need it more than me.
I say this with love. All the love in the world.
You misspelled hyphen.
After skimming this response I see you're here for discourse. There's a $25 read-only fee before I decide to take you on as an adversary. Venmo is @FYPM
All the love in the world.
You misspelled consciousness.
See, cut it in half too, that was only 371 words to tell you to fuck off.
"Here's what a decade working with clients has taught me in a nutshell."
I think you forgot the colon...
Are you okay? I have an extra script of Xanax if you need me to send it over...
After skimming this response I see you're here for discourse. There's a $25 read-only fee before I decide to take you on as an adversary. Venmo is @FYPM
After skimming this response I see you're here for discourse. There's a $25 read-only fee before I decide to take you on as an adversary. Venmo is @FYPM
I read this with so much trepidation only to find that it was genuinely nice all the way through… I was sure he was going to get it… great twist…
your excuses are your content
This comment is nonsensical.
Give it a think and you will begin to get it. Take a Xanax first
Great, you're one of those people. Sweet. Take your self righteous can't distinguish fiction from non-fiction woo-wop shit off my page.
You've evalutatied nothing, and have no sense of my ability to distinguish from your self-pitying, contstant referarral to yourself and your living contiditons (as though you're the only one!) and your actual abilities to edit. You cannot produce a singular comment without turning it back onto yourself and your self-weeping monologues. Montns of you self-weeping is getting pretty old. What you "provide" is semi-basic "editing" for those who've never had any, and a whole lot of self-aggrandizinng bullshit.
That's a mighty fine pile of words you got there, but it sounds like you're projecting just a little bit. Might want to work on your anger issues, and remember, your therapist probably told you this at some point, you don't always have to interact. You can in fact just scroll your shitty ass down the road.
People generally like me. I don't give a fuck if you do. I provide a service. You may not want or need it. Guess what, other people do. The autopsies are basic because MANY PEOPLE ON SUBSTACK HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH AN EDITOR OF ANY KIND.
If you want, kindly define "semi basic" in reference to editing. I could use the laugh.
Now, get off my dick.
I'm not on your dick. this is the internet, and you have liklely deluded yourself into thinking it's a personal assaulut on it. That's your perspective, not mine. I have nothing to do with your manhood unless you feel it is threatened. I do have a problem with you, though, calling yourself the editor when you last edited youself, That might be something to to with yourtself and your perception of your own
dick.
Okay . I approve of this message 😂
mein gott! the menace!
would dropping a one star review not have been adequate... for a first offence?
I'm cackling. I love that you posted this.
Jesus Christ.
Modern day gospel