News From the Promised Land (My Home Office)
The Crisis Is Mostly Over: News/LIT Culture Carrion/NOW WHAT?
(Pic stolen from the internet, Made into a Rainbow Rat Meme by Emil Ottoman, 20-something or other)
APRIL IS THE CRUELEST MONTH
(And I was born in it. Fuck.)
I’m back, mostly, and intact. Below the fold
-Horrors the human mind will never comprehend.
-Gossip!
-What’s going on?!
-Oh hey Emil, nice to see you back, you dumb fuck.
-GRIEF!
-Some recs, some opinions, and absolutely no fucking fiction.
-And finally, profuse apologies to my clients and everyone who has been waiting for me to get my dumb ass moved.
Before we get to all that, I’m a tax day baby, and among my many, many nom de guerre over the years, since I was born on the 15th of April, is The Tax Man.
The Good News
I shot onto Substack Notes and smalltime notoriety in January for doing dev & line edit passes once a week for free, and it was coincidence when the first Editorial Autopsy dropped on the same day snow started to melt and compromise the roof of my second floor apartment, leaving my family with no kitchen, in a toxic environment, and me a psychotic wreck for months while we tried to get a new spot.
Behold, the immediate crisis is over. We are moved into a nice new spacious completely not leaking apartment with a kitchen we can use, abuse, and cook many loving meals on for years to come.
Along the way I got more help than I feel deserving of. A lot of people donated money. A lot of people paid for edits that are STILL lingering because it’s impossible to do so much at once and I’m sorry to everyone, and we burned through maybe $20k as a household (ask me how many credit cards we have that are maxed out completely, dare you.)
Acknowledgements:
, who I will gladly kill for, started the Emil is My Editor initiative, which will continue long after this is over. I hope. was moral and “oh no you don’t” support. Without the understanding, patience and love of I’d have created great havoc, possibly done horrible violences, and certainly would not be here to write this. Without the grounding and understanding of the stress I put myself under during the last three months from the Oracle herself, my moms, (all y’all’s moms) , who deserves this nice little spacious apartment, I would have also cracked like an egg. , I would literally go to war for. Befriending , who I gladly call my brother, saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. (These are in NO particular order aside from a few, I’ve been trying to get this post out for two days.) saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. saved me. , , , , BR Yeager, and saved me. , , , , , , , for late night ramblings, thank god, , , , , , , , and everyone else I’ve read or commented on or interacted with in the last three months basically saved my ass somehow. This list is not complete by ten miles, but it’s big and gets bigger.Without these people and more, since I’ve dumped most other social media, my ass would have lost its shit in this process. Whether passive or active, whether it was reading and commenting or working with you or just letting me bitch for a second in DMs, or being fucking awesome. (And I know I’m even missing some people I owe Editor autopsies to, who are on the email chain) But without my small family and this extended community and their help, we’d maybe be out on the street.
The cool thing is Sum Flux and a bunch of other stuff surrounding the situtation syncretized and sparked this idea— the fiction tab is being treated like we’re fucking Morlocks over here, when I’m seeing some amazing work come out every day. Too much to read. As in I cannot keep up.
And
who I’ll tag as many times as I want, along with a little call and response from The hitect came up with a great new piece of branding for all of us:FICTION IS CULTURE
Look for it.
People started to get stories pumped for quality. Raise the tide, raise the ships.
Then we all start to get trading cards because they change it again. (Any questions should go directly to
)
No idea what it means, but I got one.
What’s Goin’ On?
I bought some art from Abstract Alex and it arrived today and it was dope as hell. I’m going to slap it in a frame and Command Strip it to the wall in front of my desk.
Muppet Pendleton Fitzgerald the Third put a story collab between me and Zani D ( The Wound Channel, which is, well, if you haven’t read it and have a stomach for gore and want to know more about ballistics, go for it. But it’s sorta disturbing.)
He also recommends a lot of other fantastic stories, go read his post if you haven’t, then read all the stories.
The Midnight Vault, with a bunch of amazing talent got shot out into the greater world with the help of J. Curtis and Sean McDonnell. It’s got Edith’s short story Soma’s Reflection in it, along with an impressive array of other shorts. It went from Substack to published in less than 100 days. (J. Curtis can give the exact number in a comment below, I’m sure.) That’s impressive. It’s in B&N, that’s more impressive. Buy three copies and give two away.
The Wayback Machine has started dropping bars on diss pieces about people they don’t like in lit. I’m here for it. I live for it. It’s amazing. And I’m always here to dunk on Tao Lin. Fuck Tao Lin.
M.P. Fitzgerald finished his edit. I hear it’s good but I haven’t had the strength to read it yet.
And fuck, so did Nick Winney, which, I’ve… Also not had the willpower or fortitude to read, but I hear it’s fuckin’ great!
WAY BACK LAST MONTH, Zani made my ass cry again, but we were in the rundown to the move and packing, so I didn’t get to exact my literary revenge and have yet to finish the winter Triptych. (the fiction is coming everyone, I just gotta do some editing first.)
In this short she mentions my impeccable cursive.
And yes, it’s immaculate.
Emil is My Editor
Yes, it’s still going on.
3 and 4 are up in the next 7 days.
THE ANTE
You buy an autopsy, get in line, get what you need done up and get it returned. If you want, it doesn’t get posted. If you do, I post it. THEN You rework what you wanted done up, you post it, I post it, we all boost it, your work gets a signal bump, you get a professional editor and an in for any future work with me you wanna do. Everybody wins. I’m your editor (if you want)
THE WORK
Bills still gotta get paid.
THE FUTURE
Once a network is in place, we will do things with it. The community coalesced around me without knowing me in a time of great need garnering my support for everyone who helped my family until I get my brains blown out (only a semi-likely scenario) I’m BIG on community building and self organizing support networks. I’ve built a few. I’ve started a few. A rising tide lifts all ships. And maybe we can help get the fiction tab out of the swamp Substack has put us in.
FICTION CREATES CULTURE
therefore
FICTION IS CULTURE
and so
WRITERS CREATE CULTURE
And what are we, but writers of fiction?
Exactly.
Editorial Inquiries
I am taking editorial inquiries. For the next however long it takes until I feel comfortable, flat fees and cash talks and I’m negotiable.
Know your worth, but know when to compromise for the greater good. Right now we’re still cutting deals. Worst first quarter of the year since June 29, 2023.
Send inquiries for services to Emilottoman@gmail.com with EDITORIAL INQUIRY in the subject heading and a description of what you want/need/desire/wish upon a star for.
Me and
are running a workshop, more details by Friday.
(My bad for taking so long to get situated, info coming soon)
FUCK, MARRY, KILL: Writing Female Rage | Applications Open Sunday, 6 April
This six-month writing class will explore the psychology of killing and the net between desire and the grotesque. You will learn how to craft nuanced characters with vivid intensity by examining their emotional wounds as the starting points for development, and learn how to think vertically within your fiction to create emotional, psychological and physical depth.
Will feature lecture, assigned readings, and monthly workshops, as well as one-on-one mentorship. Starts in summer. Rather than first come first served, applicants will be selected based on a writing sample. Sign up here to be alerted when applications open on Sunday, 6 April (or just stay tuned :~))
BLAKE BUTLER TOLD ME TO START A LIT MAG
So bitch I might be.
I’m also overcommitted as fuck, but whatever. I turn 40 on the 15th and I have a lotta amphetamines.
Until then you can get a year Subscription for 40% off
New Fiction Coming Soon
This is everything to love about underground lit—raw, hilarious, vulnerable, and deeply rooted in community. You’ve built something real here, Emil. Grateful to witness it, to play my part on the blueprints. Fiction is culture, and this post proves why. Welcome back into the game, you beautiful chaotic rebel.
🫡 happy birthday in advance! Keep doing what you do