Peace Emil, I just started digging through your Substack as I have some time to read and been meaning to check your stuff out. I clicked on the first post and saw you shouted me out. Thanks so much, very much appreciate it. Very much appreciated to be among dope writers and acknowledged as one… was in ESL and left back twice, once in kindergarten and another in the 6th grade. Long story short, it’s been a journey. Thank you for the encouragement engagement and lending my work your energy , as you seem very busy. Love! and now Miguel.
I feel you. Especially not being seen as a writer. The hurt there.
That beans and rice for Jesus experience of homelessness, that’s very deep especially with the whole history of the Missions system CA. Man. The layers there. Have you written anything around that?
Yeah, but mostly it’s written in notes and scattered to the wind. There’s a fictionalized novel about being a tie dyed criminal in the works, but I moved to CA originally after they went Medical, followed the first wave of STL kids to move out there, they all got hooked on heroin before everything turned to Fent, I got a house in Oakland and took every single customer from every single person I knew without 99% of them realizing it, consolidated up, and started moving freight because I made more money on economies of scale, they were all white middle class kids, I grew up on food stamps in a shit neighborhood with a single mom breaking her back to give me a private school education as long as she could and I still ended up a fuckin’ criminal, so the fact of them already BEING upper middle class and white but deciding to be runaway ass hippies sort of offended my senses in a class conscious sorta way, and to end up hooked on heroin or fuckin’ up their business because they liked to party too much besides was an affront to my professionalism. (my plea deal from 2011 covers all known and unknown criminal conduct up until my arrest aside from capital crimes. I had a really good fuckin’ attorney. That was the deal they came to that put some prison time on me and allowed the prosecutors to save face on a botched investigation that was 8 years and like, over five million dollars, but only landed me and the property owner in prison, and got them the actual property, which is now a state park.) They lost their asses, I made millions. Then because of some bullshit fed investigation into an Ozark music festival (Google “Schwagstock”) I got popped six years into what was supposed to be a ten year run to retirement. (REALISTICALLY I was gonna end up killed or dead some other way, but hey, that’s life.)
If you read my short My Name is My Name, DM me I’ll tell you what is and what isn’t. But the story is about losing your feeling of identity, value, belonging, or visibility within a place that used to be your home, and the fear of being forgotten for what you’ve done, along with the constant urge, especially if you’ve been a criminal, to reassert yourself as “someone.”
And I’m not going to lie, I fight with that urge DAILY.
Thanks for checking me out fam! When I gained any attention on here it was as an editor, for a shitty tragedy at home, and because I want to build community (this is part of why I feel like me and ARC vibe, aside from that he's bold, smart, fast, an amazing author that's relatively unknown, because it sounds like he was jaded in similar ways to me very early, but he actually has the credentials, I'm just a STL poor who ended up doing crime, oh and he works like I do, a social connector, a node, blows Dunbars number out the water), no one realized for a while that I also WRITE. THAT HURT.
I know the reason has to do with simple internet psychology, you hit a page, if something is more than 2 links deep the odds of seeing it drop by 85% or more.
I'm happy to, and have been reading your work when I see it. It's fucking amazing. Now I think I'm subscribed. If not, I'm bout to be.
And if you had never told me you're esl I never would have even known. Goddamn. I respect anyone who is fluent in more than one language, especially if that one language is English. Because polyglots are special. (I used to speak conversational German, then drugs happened. I'm in STL, so I can tell you how to go suck a dick in Serbo-Croatian. I've been homeless in Santa Cruz, CA so I used to know how to say "beans and rice for Jesus" because there was a Mexican joint offa downtown that would give you beans and rice if you were homeless and knocked on the back door and said "beans and rice for Jesus") And thank you for the appreciation. But I'm just some guy doin' stuff.
Thank you for the reminder, I forgot to add a subscribe button to Edith's page on Prisms.
I want you to know I have not kept track of the number of times I've made you cry because it's not precisely a matter of pride, but it has become a standard.
And there were more I forgot. But I'm really wondering how you'll check out your own publication. (Sequel to ghetto snake please!) For real tho, I'm dumb as fuck, the least I could be is entertaining. Thank you Abstract. (I'd call you Alex but Abstract sounds cooler in my head, note, I have had two drinks of coffee this morning.(
Quick + dirty story time. I originally started making paintings to pair with either microfics or poems.I wrote Ghetto Snake months before I published it but wanted to add a painting too. I got caught up in other paint projects and a few art shows and hit some nasty burnout. So I put Ghetto Snake down for a min. I picked up the painting and while I was completing it, I thought about making some changes to the story. Painting is done, story is rewritten. Publish.
I wasn't expecting it to be so relatable but I'm glad that readers enjoy it. It's one of my favorite pieces. I love it even more because my coworker actually inspired me to write it from her real life experience.
So I'm thinking about whether I want to continue with the first story or write a different one.
a delight to read this in itself let alone the recommendations. most of which i did already clock, thanks to your priors.
Peace Emil, I just started digging through your Substack as I have some time to read and been meaning to check your stuff out. I clicked on the first post and saw you shouted me out. Thanks so much, very much appreciate it. Very much appreciated to be among dope writers and acknowledged as one… was in ESL and left back twice, once in kindergarten and another in the 6th grade. Long story short, it’s been a journey. Thank you for the encouragement engagement and lending my work your energy , as you seem very busy. Love! and now Miguel.
I feel you. Especially not being seen as a writer. The hurt there.
That beans and rice for Jesus experience of homelessness, that’s very deep especially with the whole history of the Missions system CA. Man. The layers there. Have you written anything around that?
Yeah, but mostly it’s written in notes and scattered to the wind. There’s a fictionalized novel about being a tie dyed criminal in the works, but I moved to CA originally after they went Medical, followed the first wave of STL kids to move out there, they all got hooked on heroin before everything turned to Fent, I got a house in Oakland and took every single customer from every single person I knew without 99% of them realizing it, consolidated up, and started moving freight because I made more money on economies of scale, they were all white middle class kids, I grew up on food stamps in a shit neighborhood with a single mom breaking her back to give me a private school education as long as she could and I still ended up a fuckin’ criminal, so the fact of them already BEING upper middle class and white but deciding to be runaway ass hippies sort of offended my senses in a class conscious sorta way, and to end up hooked on heroin or fuckin’ up their business because they liked to party too much besides was an affront to my professionalism. (my plea deal from 2011 covers all known and unknown criminal conduct up until my arrest aside from capital crimes. I had a really good fuckin’ attorney. That was the deal they came to that put some prison time on me and allowed the prosecutors to save face on a botched investigation that was 8 years and like, over five million dollars, but only landed me and the property owner in prison, and got them the actual property, which is now a state park.) They lost their asses, I made millions. Then because of some bullshit fed investigation into an Ozark music festival (Google “Schwagstock”) I got popped six years into what was supposed to be a ten year run to retirement. (REALISTICALLY I was gonna end up killed or dead some other way, but hey, that’s life.)
If you read my short My Name is My Name, DM me I’ll tell you what is and what isn’t. But the story is about losing your feeling of identity, value, belonging, or visibility within a place that used to be your home, and the fear of being forgotten for what you’ve done, along with the constant urge, especially if you’ve been a criminal, to reassert yourself as “someone.”
And I’m not going to lie, I fight with that urge DAILY.
Thanks for checking me out fam! When I gained any attention on here it was as an editor, for a shitty tragedy at home, and because I want to build community (this is part of why I feel like me and ARC vibe, aside from that he's bold, smart, fast, an amazing author that's relatively unknown, because it sounds like he was jaded in similar ways to me very early, but he actually has the credentials, I'm just a STL poor who ended up doing crime, oh and he works like I do, a social connector, a node, blows Dunbars number out the water), no one realized for a while that I also WRITE. THAT HURT.
I know the reason has to do with simple internet psychology, you hit a page, if something is more than 2 links deep the odds of seeing it drop by 85% or more.
I'm happy to, and have been reading your work when I see it. It's fucking amazing. Now I think I'm subscribed. If not, I'm bout to be.
And if you had never told me you're esl I never would have even known. Goddamn. I respect anyone who is fluent in more than one language, especially if that one language is English. Because polyglots are special. (I used to speak conversational German, then drugs happened. I'm in STL, so I can tell you how to go suck a dick in Serbo-Croatian. I've been homeless in Santa Cruz, CA so I used to know how to say "beans and rice for Jesus" because there was a Mexican joint offa downtown that would give you beans and rice if you were homeless and knocked on the back door and said "beans and rice for Jesus") And thank you for the appreciation. But I'm just some guy doin' stuff.
Thank you for the reminder, I forgot to add a subscribe button to Edith's page on Prisms.
I want you to know I have not kept track of the number of times I've made you cry because it's not precisely a matter of pride, but it has become a standard.
The Bar, as it were.
Also! Prisms is prettier on laptop because the Substack app hates creative formatting.
Emil you're so fucking funny😂! I appreciate you!
I'm gonna check out your recommended publications. You got me super curious about them.
And there were more I forgot. But I'm really wondering how you'll check out your own publication. (Sequel to ghetto snake please!) For real tho, I'm dumb as fuck, the least I could be is entertaining. Thank you Abstract. (I'd call you Alex but Abstract sounds cooler in my head, note, I have had two drinks of coffee this morning.(
😂😂
I likey! Only Abstract def sounds cooler.
Quick + dirty story time. I originally started making paintings to pair with either microfics or poems.I wrote Ghetto Snake months before I published it but wanted to add a painting too. I got caught up in other paint projects and a few art shows and hit some nasty burnout. So I put Ghetto Snake down for a min. I picked up the painting and while I was completing it, I thought about making some changes to the story. Painting is done, story is rewritten. Publish.
I wasn't expecting it to be so relatable but I'm glad that readers enjoy it. It's one of my favorite pieces. I love it even more because my coworker actually inspired me to write it from her real life experience.
So I'm thinking about whether I want to continue with the first story or write a different one.
Whichever way you go will be great